George Bernard Shaw once said \u201cThe trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech\u201d when referring to someone who was dominating a conversation.\u00a0 By definition, a conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue, yet we all know someone who doesn\u2019t put this into practice.<\/p>\n
Are you a great conversationalist?\u00a0 So many of us would like to think<\/em> we are, though as with any skill, it takes knowledge, awareness, and practice.\u00a0 But what does it really mean to be a great conversationalist?\u00a0 Certainly the main premise is that of a give and take of words, but what makes a conversation interesting, meaningful, and enjoyable?\u00a0 As with many things, there is both art and science involved.<\/p>\n Whether you\u2019re speaking with an acquaintance, friend, or loved one, here are some tips and nuances to help you be more effective at everyday conversations:<\/p>\n 1)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Utilize the pause.<\/strong>\u00a0 When someone stops talking, do you immediately jump in and start speaking?\u00a0 One key to being a great conversationalist is to pause after a person stops talking.\u00a0 When you pause for a few seconds, you avoid running the risk of interrupting when another person is, perhaps, stopping to simply take a breath.\u00a0 Plus, you\u2019re showing the other person that you\u2019re giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping into the conversation as soon as s\/he stops talking.\u00a0 In addition, you\u2019ll actually better comprehend what the other person is saying if you aren\u2019t thinking about what you\u2019re going to say at your next opportunity.\u00a0 The pause is such an undervalued component of a good conversation.<\/p>\n 2)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pay attention to non-verbal cues.<\/strong>\u00a0 Only 7% of any message is conveyed through words, leaving 93% for elements such as tone, gestures, and facial expressions, so more important is how we say things than what we actually say.\u00a0 The key here is to listen with not only your ears, but your eyes as well, and watch for subtle clues as you\u2019re speaking to others.<\/p>\n 3)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Question for clarification.<\/strong>\u00a0 Never assume you understand what the other person is trying to say.\u00a0 Use phrases such as \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d and \u201cTell me more\u201d to guide the conversation.\u00a0 The other person will naturally expound on what they were saying.\u00a0 You can follow up with additional open ended questions and keep the conversation moving along smoothly.<\/p>\n 4)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ask others\u2019 opinions.<\/strong>\u00a0 Express interest in hearing what others\u2019 think or how they feel about something.\u00a0 The best way to accomplish this is by asking a thoughtful question and then follow-up questions.\u00a0 When you dig a bit deeper and show genuine interest, you build trust and rapport with your audience.<\/p>\n 5)\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Repeat by paraphrasing.<\/strong> \u00a0By interjecting phrases such as \u201cLet me see if I\u2019ve got this right\u201d or \u201cWhat you\u2019re saying is\u2026.\u201d, and repeating back what you believe you heard in your own words, you demonstrate that you\u2019re paying close attention and really understanding their thoughts and feelings.\u00a0 People will feel important, heard, and will trust you\u2014effective listening builds trust.\u00a0 Also, this technique builds self-worth because the person speaking will feel more valued and respected.\u00a0 It takes real effort to focus on someone\u2019s words.\u00a0 The more you work at really paying attention and listening well, the more self-disciplined you will become.<\/p>\n