If you are beyond your college years, your quest to meet a mate has likely taken you to the Internet.\u00a0 With all the dating sites popping up in recent decades, it\u2019s a veritable smorgasbord of possibilities.\u00a0 If you\u2019re looking for someone of the same religious background\u2026 there\u2019s a website for that.\u00a0 If you want someone who shares your love of fitness\u2026 there\u2019s a website for that.\u00a0 If you\u2019re interested in a non-traditional relationship\u2026 there\u2019s a website for that, too!<\/p>\n
The good news is that you\u2019ll find an endless supply of prospects in cyberspace\u2026 but how do you find your perfect \u201cneedle\u201d in that boundless \u201chaystack\u201d?\u00a0 And how long will that take and how many prospects will you have to meet to find \u201cthe one\u201d?\u00a0 If only we knew that answer!\u00a0 While there are never any guaranties, there are ways to make your online dating experiences more fun, more efficient, and even more importantly, safer.\u00a0 After many years of experience both personally and professionally through my clients, I\u2019ve compiled my top dos and don\u2019ts for your venture into cyberspace.<\/p>\n
First and foremost, DO put up an honest profile and don\u2019t exaggerate your skills, interests, hobbies, and background in the hopes of coming across more interesting\u2026 you will be found out eventually!\u00a0 And DO include recent pictures.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing more frustrating than showing up to meet someone new and having them look nothing like their former selves.\u00a0 Honestly, am I not going to notice that the handsome man with the thick head of hair suddenly has the sun beaming off his shiny, bald head?<\/p>\n
DON\u2019T naively assume that everything you read is true.\u00a0 Years ago I had a man tell me on our first date that he was planning on trying out for the pro golfers tour the following year, so being an avid golfer myself, I was excited to play with someone of his alleged golfing prowess.\u00a0 Well, on our second date, we rendezvoused at the golf course and he played like a mediocre amateur at best, throwing around expletives and blaming the course and conditions for his poor play.<\/p>\n
DO learn to read between the lines of these online profiles.\u00a0 When you know the keywords to watch out for, you\u2019ll sift through what\u2019s being slung a whole lot faster.\u00a0 And if he sounds too good to be true, he likely is, more often than not.<\/p>\n
He says he\u2019s looking for someone \u201creal\u201d.\u00a0 Translation: he may be bitter, damaged, and not over his last relationship.<\/em><\/p>\n If she provides a laundry list of \u201cnegative\u201d relationship traits she\u2019s trying to avoid rather than \u201cpositive\u201d ones she\u2019s seeking, beware of a glass-is-half-empty mentality.<\/em><\/p>\n Ladies, watch out for clich\u00e9s such as when a guy emphasizes he\u2019s looking for a woman who enjoys \u201cintimacy\u201d, a code word for sex.\u00a0 Peppering sexual innuendos throughout a profile says desperate and creepy to me.<\/em><\/p>\n When a woman says she\u2019s \u201cup for anything\u201d, this often signifies that she has no hobbies, interests, and\/or passions of her own\u2026 boring!<\/em><\/p>\n DON\u2019T get sucked in by overused lines like, \u201cLooking to spoil the woman of my dreams with walks on the beach and dinners by the fire.\u201d \u00a0Really?\u00a0 When life gets in the way, how often are we able to actually make this happen?\u00a0 Have they been studying up in the romance novel section of the bookstore?\u00a0 What other \u201clines\u201d are they likely to deliver and to what potential gains?<\/p>\n DO be on the lookout for consistencies in their facts and stories.\u00a0 I\u2019ve had men lie about all sorts of things including: their height (assume they\u2019re 2\u201d shorter than they indicated); their income; the number of ex-wives and children they\u2019ve had; their age (yes, men lie about age, too!); their education; how many houses they own\u2026 you get the point.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T give out any personal information that could lead anyone to your home.\u00a0 I always counsel my clients, both men and women, that they should always put their own safety first.\u00a0 Give out your mobile phone rather than your home phone number which may be listed in the phone book.\u00a0 I never give out my last name until I\u2019ve met someone more than once and feel comfortable with him.\u00a0 I have a different email address that does not include my last name that I used exclusively for my online dating activities.\u00a0 While most people on these dating sites are just as normal as you are, it\u2019s not worth taking chances.<\/p>\n If there\u2019s real potential, DO move your interactions forward from email to mobile phone. \u00a0I established a rule that I wouldn\u2019t take the time to meet someone in person until I\u2019d at least had a phone conversation with him.\u00a0 Some people are great writers, but couldn\u2019t hold an interesting conversation if their lives depended on it.\u00a0 Over the phone, you will have a much better opportunity to determine if there\u2019s a good fit and your personalities mesh well. \u00a0The key motivator for implementing my \u201cmust have\u201d phone chat prior to meeting was a guy who wrote beautifully.\u00a0 I couldn\u2019t wait to meet him in person.\u00a0 During our time together at the wine bar, he never asked a single question about me and he didn\u2019t offer anything about himself, unless he was answering one of my questions.\u00a0 Tried as I did, it was real work to keep the conversation going.\u00a0 These wasted hours of my life spent primping, driving, and wishing he would hurry up and finish his appetizer and glass of wine so I could exit politely could have been spent elsewhere had I simply requested a phone chat prior to meeting in person.\u00a0 Lesson learned.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T rush into a \u201crelationship\u201d with someone you just met.\u00a0 It takes time to get to know someone and begin developing a sense of trust.\u00a0 Meet in a public place for the first few dates.\u00a0 You\u2019ll know when the time is right to share your address and have him pick you up at home.<\/p>\n DO be honest about what you\u2019re looking for in a relationship\u2026 if you\u2019re looking for a relationship at all.\u00a0 There are plenty of men and women out there looking for easy sex and\/or free dinners and know just what to say to get what they want.\u00a0 If your goal is to marry and have children, for example, it\u2019s best to let your desires be known sooner rather than later to avoid wasted time and potentially hurt feelings.<\/p>\n DON\u2019T be na\u00efve to the reality of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and birth control.\u00a0 Do your research, get tested regularly, and insist that your new partner gets tested BEFORE playing Russian roulette with your health.\u00a0 No doubt this is an awkward topic of conversation, but it\u2019s certainly a better option than blindly jumping into the sack and contracting something that will stay with you for life.\u00a0 In the end, your partner will respect you and appreciate that you did.<\/p>\n With all this in the back of your mind\u2026 DO enjoy meeting new people and having fun with the process and prospects!<\/p>\n