{"id":1667,"date":"2023-01-12T19:08:00","date_gmt":"2023-01-12T19:08:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/?p=1667"},"modified":"2024-06-27T03:53:07","modified_gmt":"2024-06-27T03:53:07","slug":"can-i-improve-my-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Many people have the impression that couples counseling can only be effective if both partners attend and participate. Not so! Studies have found that working on relationships alone (if your partner refuses or is unable to join you) can have equally positive results. For example, at the University of Denver, results from a five-year longitudinal study of 300 long-term couples suggest that a month or so after receiving relationship-skills training, those who got it as individuals saw as much improvement in their relationships as those who got the training as a couple. So, if your partner won\u2019t join you in counseling, going it alone can be just as effective.<\/p>\n<p>If you have an unwilling partner, it is natural to feel frustrated. You don\u2019t want to be the only one putting in the effort to improve your relationship! Don\u2019t let your partner\u2019s unwillingness become yet another obstacle between the two of you. Even if only one of you is interested in improving the dynamics of your relationship, if one of you starts behaving differently, I guarantee the relationship will change, too.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cBut what can I really accomplish on my own?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>You may be pleasantly surprised! The key is to learn more about yourself and how your words and actions contribute to your relationship. Once you have a better handle on your role in your ongoing issues, when you change, your relationship simply cannot stay the same. Time invested in learning better communication skills, discovering new tools to better manage conflict, and ways to meet your own needs will alleviate some of the stress and strain in your relationship. Over time, your partner will take notice of the new and improved you and likely begin to do and say things differently, too.<\/p>\n<p>By doing this personal introspection, you\u2019ll begin to recognize the destructive patterns you&#8217;ve both fallen into. You\u2019ll realize, as you experiment with your new tools and skills, that things can change\u2026 even if you\u2019re the only one (at least in the beginning) making the changes. You\u2019ll discover new, positive ways to contribute to your relationship and get out of your old, destructive patterns.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cHow about I insist my partner accompanies me to counseling?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Insisting that your partner accompany you to counseling will likely do more harm than good. After all, nobody likes to be told what to do. Laying down an ultimatum may add to any resentment that already exists between the two of you. An unwilling participant in counseling may even derail your efforts completely; it is best to resist the urge push your partner into doing something s\/he does not want to do.<br \/>\nEspecially when your relationship is already on shaky ground, demands of any kind are rarely effective \u2013 they often just fuel the fire. I know it would feel better not to (seemingly) be the only one putting in the effort to improve things, but some people feel better trying to \u201cfix\u201d things on their own without the help of a counselor. Though in time, if the one attending counseling is making good progress, often the other comes around. Be patient.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u201cBut if my partner really cared for me, wouldn&#8217;t s\/he come\u2026?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Your partner may choose not to join you in counseling for any number of reasons that may have nothing at all to do you with you and your relationship. Perhaps there was a bad experience in the past that s\/he is afraid will be revealed. Maybe s\/he is afraid of the chance of being \u201cganged up on\u201d during a session (something a skilled counselor would never do) or blamed openly by the partner for their problems. Don\u2019t just assume that your partner&#8217;s unwillingness to accompany you to counseling should be interpreted as not caring about you or your relationship.<br \/>\nReluctance doesn&#8217;t necessarily mean rejection. Know that if you pay attention to your own thoughts, feelings, and desires and work on improving yourself and your own life, you will become more attractive to others and these changes can be the very catalyst to building a happier and healthier relationship.<\/p>\n<p>How about you? Have you worked on your relationship solo or with your partner and what were the results?\u00a0I would love to hear all about what has and hasn&#8217;t worked for you, so please write to me at <a href=\"mailto:deb@newchaptersolutions.com\">deb@newchaptersolutions.com<\/a>.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many people have the impression that couples counseling can only be effective if both partners attend and participate. Not so! Studies have found that working on relationships alone (if your partner refuses or is unable to join you) can have equally positive results. For example, at the University of Denver, results from a five-year longitudinal [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[47,48],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Many people have the impression that couples counseling can only be effective if both partners attend and participate. Not so! Studies have found that working on relationships alone (if your partner refuses or is unable to join you) can have equally positive results. For example, at the University of Denver, results from a five-year longitudinal [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"New Chapter Solutions\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Deb Daufeldt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Deb Daufeldt\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Deb Daufeldt\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d\"},\"headline\":\"Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone?\",\"datePublished\":\"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\"},\"wordCount\":738,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d\"},\"keywords\":[\"how to improve my relationship\",\"will counseling improve my relationship\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\",\"name\":\"Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/\",\"name\":\"New Chapter Solutions\",\"description\":\"Relationship, Life, &amp; Executive Counseling &amp; Coaching\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":[\"Person\",\"Organization\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d\",\"name\":\"Deb Daufeldt\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df96f07e20dfb6183e22ad677e5fb87?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df96f07e20dfb6183e22ad677e5fb87?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Deb Daufeldt\"},\"logo\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/author\/debdaufeldt\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions","og_description":"Many people have the impression that couples counseling can only be effective if both partners attend and participate. Not so! Studies have found that working on relationships alone (if your partner refuses or is unable to join you) can have equally positive results. For example, at the University of Denver, results from a five-year longitudinal [&hellip;]","og_url":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/","og_site_name":"New Chapter Solutions","article_published_time":"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00","author":"Deb Daufeldt","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Deb Daufeldt","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/"},"author":{"name":"Deb Daufeldt","@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d"},"headline":"Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone?","datePublished":"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00","dateModified":"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/"},"wordCount":738,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d"},"keywords":["how to improve my relationship","will counseling improve my relationship"],"articleSection":["Relationships"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/","url":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/","name":"Executive Coaching\/Counseling\/Consulting | Can I Really Improve my Relationship if I Attend Counseling Alone? | New Chapter Solutions","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-01-12T19:08:00+00:00","dateModified":"2024-06-27T03:53:07+00:00","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/can-i-improve-my-relationship\/"]}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/","name":"New Chapter Solutions","description":"Relationship, Life, &amp; Executive Counseling &amp; Coaching","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":["Person","Organization"],"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/623355c962b63048383c9e1601a4de1d","name":"Deb Daufeldt","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df96f07e20dfb6183e22ad677e5fb87?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df96f07e20dfb6183e22ad677e5fb87?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Deb Daufeldt"},"logo":{"@id":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/"},"url":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/author\/debdaufeldt\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1667"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1667"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1667\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2319,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1667\/revisions\/2319"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1667"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1667"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/newchaptersolutions.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1667"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}